One Thought For Today...

I LOVE BEING IN LOVE!!!!!!!!

My life could not be better than it is right now. The only down side to being with someone as wonderful as Carrie, is that the only thing I want to do is be near her. Everything else, work, eating, sleeping, just seems like a terrible distraction.

Last night was perfect. We rented a movie, sat on her couch and cuddled under a sleeping bag. It was cold outside, and we made some hot chocolate to warm ourselves up. The movie was really good (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). I'd seen it before, but she hadn't, so I insisted she watch it. She loved it, of course, becasue its a great movie. Then we just sat and talked for a long time, our arms intertwined underneath the warm blanket, and her head resting on my shoulder. We talked about everything, again. Her past, my past, even the weather (it's freezing her in Minnesota, but there's still no snow on the ground!). She's had a really hard life. She was sexually abused when she was younger, by her father. He went to jail, and she and her sister (who was also a victim) lived with their mother. She started college, but couldn't really afford to keep going and dropped out during her first semester, so now she works as a waitress to pay the bills while she tries to make it as a musician (which I'm sure she will). It was weird how much we have in common. I mean, we both lost our Dad's, and went through something terribly traumatic.

She is seeing a therapist for her abuse, and suggested I do the same. I've always been reluctant to get counceling for what happened to me. I mean, it sucks and all, but I don't think it's anything I can't handle. but she said she felt the same way I did, but her anger about the whole thing started taking her over, and she was lashing out at anyone and everything. She said she's doing much better now. I wish sometimes I could go back in time and change what happens to people who I care about, but I've never wanted to do that more than I did that moment. But I can't.

She also talked about her music, and why she loves it so much. It's kind of like a release for her, a way to get some of those emotions out of her system. It's great that she's found amethod to do that. So after talking and talking and talking, we finally kissed. That's right, one of my first kisses ever. My first real kiss. It was great, althougha bit weird at first. I didn't really know what I was doing, and I felt really awkward, and didn't know what went where, but she assured me I was doing fine. I still can smell her. I can't wait to see her again tonight. She's coming over to my house, and we're goign to cook dinner together. I'm excited! Wish me luck!!!