Dream Journal 5: With An Update!!!

Wow, I apologize again or having not updated in so long. It’s just so hard these days to find anything to write about. Life is going on much the same. I decided to write today, because something strange happened to me today.

I saw Carrie.

It’s the first time I’ve seen her in a long time, and it really brought up some emotions that I haven’t had for awhile. She didn’t see me. I was at the coffee shop I initially saw her at, getting a bagel sandwich. She was there, sitting with a bunch of her friends, several of whom I recognized, others I didn’t. She was sitting next to a guy, and he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek a couple of times. It was pretty obvious they were dating, they were holding hands, and flirty when they looked and talked to one another.

I guess I should be more upset than I am about it. I mean, it’s like somewhere in my mind I expected her to be as upset as I was by the whole thing. But here it looks like she’s moved on. I guess I’m happy for her. I mean, she’s happy, and that’s what I should really want for her, if I’m an unselfish person. I don’t want to be angry at her anymore, I’m just shocked by how little I’m actually feeling.

I think it might have something to do with my meds. Oh well. I guess that’s the trade off for being mentally well. It seems like most of my emotions are kind of dulled, and I feel like sometimes I’m just kind of walking through life. Maybe it’s time for me to start going back to work. I think I’ll give my old boss a call to see if I can get my job back. I hope they’ll take me back. I need something to keep me busy and focused. I’ve had enough of this whole “living off my Mom while recovering” thing. It’s time to move on.

OK, I hereby resolve to write on this dang blog more, and to get a job by the end of this month. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

And on that note, here’s another entry from my Dream Journal:

April 4th 2005

Dream #1
I’m walking through down town Minneapolis. The scene is horrific. Dead bodies are piled in the streets, their bloated, purple skin decaying in the warm summer sun. They have bruises and open sores all over their bodies, as if they were ravaged by some sort of disease. The smell is horrible, almost overpowering, and I have to stop myself from gagging several times. There were people crawling in the streets, they would reach out and rob the dead bodies that had been piled up, and then, before they were able to return to the alley they had crawled from, they would begin to convulse, vomit up a thick, bloody substance, and then roll over and die. It was sickening, and I continued to wander through the city for what seemed like ages, trying to find someone, anyone, who wasn’t sick or dying. There were dead children, their throats slit, and their blood spilling down the sidewalk. And then I wake up.

Dream #2
I’m walking down a street and there is an angry (illegible writing. Sorry, sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night to write, my writing isn’t very clear) with a flaming back chasing me. There are several (illegible writing) with mushrooms and Brittany Spears is dead. And then I wake up.

Sometimes my dreams don’t make a whole lot of sense. Oh well.