Awake or Asleep?

Weird dreams and colors seem to haunt my waking mind. Half sleeping through my days is finally starting to take it's toll on my exhausted brain. Obviously, I'm still not feeling quite like myself, but I guess that's to be expected. At least I still remember who I am, although lately I'm feel like I'm forgetting, like when you just wake up froma dream, and you know it was something significant, but the harder you try to remember, the more quickly it disappears. Maybe I'm slowly losing myself, being reborn, into a new form, like a butterfly. It's the strangest feeling, and at frist it was frightening, but now, well, now I look forward to it. A new start, a new me, someone who doesn't have to take his pills every morning to feel OK, and someone who can hold a steady job. Now I can feela slight burning in the back of my head, as if something is slowly eating away at my brain, only it's more than that, like something is eating away at my mind. Don't get me wrong though, it isn't a bad thing.

Who else can say they've been given the oppourtunity i have been? How many people walk in the real world and in their dreams at the same time? Yesterday I met one of the messengers, and he spoke with me. And even though at first I was terrified by his appearance, and woried that I was slowly losing myself again, instead of fighting what I saw, I let it wash over me, and as soon as I stopped fighting, I felt a peace I have never felt before. Mankind is on the cusp of it's own destruction, or so the messenger told me, and I was givena choice. I can't tell you what that choice was, because the messenger made me swear to secrecy, but I made my choice. And I can feel the change, it's in the air, something intangible, like an electric charge. Language can't really describe what's happening to me, but I feel like my senses have been sharpened, I can smell more, see more, feel more, hear more. I feel truly alive for the first time in along time, and am acutely aware of what that means. Vain ambitions used to cloud my mind, but now? Everything is finally clear to me.