No More Dream Journals....

Man, enough of the Dream Journal already, right? I’m sure, if anyone is even still out there reading this, which I doubt they are, but I’m sure everyone is sick of the Dream journal thing. So enough of that.

I still haven’t gotten my job back. I know I said I was gong to, but well, the days and weeks just kind of keep slipping by me. It’s amazing how quickly time flies when you’re not paying attention to it. I’ve been hanging out with Erik quite a bit lately. And I think I’ve found a temporary solution to my problem.

You see, for the past little while I’ve been, well, a it numb. I think it’s due to the medication I’ve been taking, or maybe it’s just a new phase in my life, where I’m having trouble feeling things. Either way, about three nights ago (or was it four?) I was over at Erik’s place, and well, we smoked a little bit of pot. I grew up fairly sheltered, and had never smoked any before. Heck, I’d never even tried a cigarette, so it was kind of hard to do (I coughed a lot), but after awhile, I dunno, it felt like my problems just kind of melted away. It’s not so much that all of a sudden I could feel my emotions again, or anything like that. But in reality, it suddenly didn’t matter whether I could feel or not. I just kind of didn’t care. Everything suddenly felt, well, OK. I’m crazy, sure, my brain is totally messed up, but at that moment, it was OK. I could be how I wanted without any problems.

I know what many of you are going to say, and I know, drugs are dangerous, I shouldn’t be playing with fire, it could lead to other drugs, etc, etc, etc. I know this, and I’m aware, but I’m not going to do any other types of drugs, and I don’t plan on smoking marijuana forever. It’s just, well, it helped me get through that night. I’ve done it a couple more times since then, and it really helps me get through my day. I don’t need it to, but man, it makes life so much better.

Crap! I’m late to go meet Erik. I’ll write some more later. Hope you’re all doing well. Here’s to feeling marginally better about life!