What is Happening to Me?

I can’t think straight anymore. I’m having trouble remembering things. Like where I’ve been recently. The last couple of days are complete blanks. Every once in a while, a memory, a smell, or a taste, will flash through my mind like a jolt of electricity. My brain, my head, feels like it’s gong to explode. I am so anxious, I can’t sit still. I stand and pace, but the anxiety won’t leave. This is what true misery is.

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to die? I’ve thought a lot about suicide, especially lately, when I’m myself. Maybe I should do it. End this whole mess. End it all. No more pain. No more fear. No more terror and anxiety. No more anything. Just the sweet peace of nothingness. When does life drive you to the point of desperation, to the point of no return, where everything is so horrible, that you’d rather not feel anything at all, ever again? I think I’m getting to that point.

!ON

Yes I think that’s what needs to happen now. !SIHT WOLLA TON LLIW I That’s what I tell myself, and then when I try to think of a way, cutting my wrists, or something, I lack the courage to do it. Even when I see a way out, I’m t!SRUO SI HSELF SIHo scared to even do it. Look at how pathetic I am. I can’t even end this.!REVEROF SU HTIW MAERD LLIW EH God, what am I going to do? What am I going to do?