Misery Loves Misery

hHe flies are back. Or at least it feels like they are. My skin feels itchy and tickly, like there's something crawling on it. I know there's a ghost, or some presence here at my house. I can feel it. People have been commenting lately that maybe I need help. I do need help. I want help. But what they don't understand is how powerful fear is. Yes I'm scared to stay inside, but I'm even more scared to leave. Threatening letters. People watchng me. Bad dreams. Premonitions. I feel like my brain is on fire, and all I can do is sit here in my room with the door locked. The voices come and go, sometimes faint whispering, simetimes angry shouting, sometimes laughter. It makes me laugh now to. What else can I do but laugh? Look at where I am. Look at my life. Its a joke. Everything is a god damned joke to me right now.

But I do know this much. I will survive this. I'm not like my father. I'm not weak, and I'm not going to give in. A teacher in school once told me that being brave isn't not having fear, it's being afraid, but doing what is right anyway. That's how I feel I'll get through this. I think I've hit rock bottom, and when your at the bottomw, there's nno where to go but up. No matter how hard it is no matter how much your body cries out in anguish, in hate, in disgust. God it hurts so much right now.

Something has been knocking on my door all afternoon again. I'm not going to let whatever it is in. That's why I don't leave. Can't you see that there's something trying to keep me here? And if I try to leave, it will destroy me. I don't know how I know this, I just do. Barry understands what's happening though. He's been here, he's seen and experienced it first hand. I don't know if he feels the same way I do, but this thing, it doesn't appear to be targeting hi the same way it is me. His tires where never slashed, and he never found any dead animals on his car.

I don't know what to do. God save me.